Tell me more

Thinking.

We do what we do largely because of what we think. That is to say, because of the thoughts and images that our mind conjures up.

To be more specific still, we do what we do because of what our mind expects will happen next (i.e., the outcome or impact of whatever it’s imagining). This is largely an automatic process that comes about without any intention or planning.

Yes, biology, feelings, and other factors play important roles too, but none more so than thinking. These mental representations (thoughts and images) play a powerful role in producing the feelings, physical sensations, and subsequent actions associated with problem behaviours.

If we expect (think) that something good will come from doing something, we’ll want to do it! If we expect that something bad will come from doing something, we won’t want to do it!

In this way, what our mind ‘thinks’ is a BIG part of why we do what we do.

Give me an example

A lovely, home-cooked meal.

Let’s say, for example, we’ve just eaten a lovely, home-cooked meal, and we usually follow our meals with dessert. All of a sudden, our mind reminds us that we have some delicious ice cream in the freezer! In that moment, our mind automatically conjures up an image of the ice cream in the freezer and imagines how it would feel to have some right now.

Excited, satisfied, happy…

The anticipation of feeling such a way is very motivating! Who doesn’t want to feel excited, satisfied, and happy?

What comes next is what we usually refer to as an ‘urge’ or ‘motivation’. We imagine this action resulting in us feeling ‘good’ and ‘satisfied’ and so we’re motivated to get it.

Thinking, feeling, ACTION!

When we experience such feelings (an urge or want), what will reliably follow is one of two things: either an effort to acquire the desired outcome (actions to move towards getting the ice cream) or an effort to deny ourselves the outcome (i.e., self-control). In other words, we will either move towards it or try to stop ourselves from moving towards it.

Experience matters.

However, not everyone likes ice cream…

Imagine, instead, that we are extremely lactose-intolerant and recently experienced a painful bout of inflammation as a result of eating some dairy-rich ice-cream. In this case, we finish our lovely dinner and remember that we have some ice cream in the freezer (perhaps left behind by a well-meaning friend).

In that moment, an image of the ice cream pops into mind, and we imagine what it would feel like to have some. In this case (given our lactose intolerance), the anticipated feelings are: discomfort, pain, disappointment, regret. 

There would be no ‘wanting’ and, as such, no action to try to acquire the ice cream. In fact, our mind would prefer to move past this dessert option rather quickly and onto another one (perhaps some leftover fruit salad).

Importantly, without the wanting, there is no action nor struggle against the wanting. There is nothing to control or inhibit. Our mind has moved on…

In this way, our personal experience of ice cream – and the subsequent thinking or imagining it results in – is everything.

Previous experiences of joy, excitement, pleasure and satisfaction will result in expectations (thoughts and images) of feeling good. These expectations produce the feelings of ‘wanting’, which produce the actions to acquire it. Previous experiences of pain, sadness, disappointment, and regret will result in expectations that produce feelings of disinterest and not-wanting. 

But – I hear you say – what if I’m extremely lactose intolerant and still tend to eat ice cream?

Well, you’re not alone! 

Why would someone choose to eat ice-cream even if they know they’re lactose-intolerant? It still comes down to thinking… only, deeper thinking…  

Beliefs, rules, and assumptions.

Humans will continue to engage in behaviours that are ‘bad’ for us, so long as our mind continues to expect something good to come from doing them. Yes, even if we have experienced great pain and suffering as a result of doing so.

How?

Well, if, over time, we have come to believe that we know how to eat dairy-rich ice cream in such a way as to minimise our pain and suffering, and maximise our pleasure (e.g., through portion-control, taking antacids, being close to a bathroom), such that we can still expect to feel good after eating it, then we will still want it.

How did our thinking come to be so complicated?!

Experience matters (again). 

Our personal experiences can, over time, result in the creation of these very powerful deeper cognitions that have the capacity to convince us we know how to ‘do it’ – get what we want and feel good – and get around the pain, suffering, and loss. These cognitions can be so powerful that they override the very real pain and suffering we have actually experienced up until this point. In that way, it doesn’t matter how much pain and suffering we have experienced, we can still find ourselves going back.

The specifics as to exactly why we think we can still feel good – i.e., the specific content of these deeper cognitions – must become the target of therapy if we are to ever meaningfully change the subsequent behaviour.

FAQs

So, what about feelings?

Most therapies for behaviour change focus on managing feelings, urges, and triggers, and building alternative behaviours in an effort to manage and account for a strong motivation. They imply ‘impaired control’, as if we were a car with faulty brakes unable to stop.

What these therapies don’t do, however, is focus on the very cause of the motivation: the deeper cognitions. The ‘why’ behind the motivation.

habitbreak does not assume you have impaired control or faulty breaks. Rather, we assume that you have an unaddressed and misinformed set of cognitions that continue to motivate you to engage in a behaviour that, overall, is having a very real negative impact on you.

What is needed is a highly targeted form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, super-charged for behaviour change.

A therapy that helps you to understand exactly why you do what you do and the core reasons maintaining it (the deeper cognitions), as well as provides the corrective experiences necessary to address these cognitions and the know-how for taking a more active role in how your mind thinks going forward.

We can focus on managing urges and feelings until the cows come home, but it won’t do much to change the underlying cognitions telling us to pursue the outcome in the first place. That’s cognitive. That’s at the belief level.

We can do breathing exercises and engage in mindfulness to manage strong feelings and get through the moment (e.g., urge surfing), but what about the next moment? Even the most disciplined individual will eventually go through a difficult period that tests their self-control.

We can try to pick up alternative behaviours and keep ourselves busy and occupied in life, but for how long? How long until we are met with the means and opportunity to engage in that problem behaviour again? And the motivation to do it still remains. The cognitions haven’t been addressed.

What many will find is that they spend years entangled in the struggle against their motivation to engage in a particular behaviour. Why? Because they never addressed the underlying cognitions producing the motivation.